My darling sister Maeve came to see me for three weeks and she was amazing beyond words, waiting on me hand and foot, spending hours cooking me the most delicious food, organising me to a minute of my life and generally being my hero....I miss her so much it brings tears to my eyes...
Having her here gave me the break I needed to stop, relax and reflect, something I hadn't done since the initial diagnosis. She made me see that whilst I was just about holding it together doing everything myself, I was running myself ragged trying to juggle work, cooking, researching and finding the right people to help me... So I took a breath, let her care for me and got to thinking.....
I realised that what I was trying to do wasn't working, that I was deep in denial and shock over my mum's death and this cancer...... and as much as I wanted to treat this cancer naturally, I had run out of time for that, the lump was huge and growing and I had new sensations in my lymph nodes, so with a heavy heart I called my oncologist at UCSF and told her that I'd changed my mind and would in fact do chemotherapy.
As everyone else let out a sigh of relief, I tried to process my own about turn, it's hard to partake in something that you fundamentally disagree with, despite the fact that it does help cure a lot of people, I still think that conventional cancer treatment is barbaric and brutal medicine, often times making the patient more sick as a result. It seems crazy to me that in this day and age, the only guaranteed way to cure this breast cancer with conventional medicine means that I may go into instant menopause, denying me the chance to have kids of my own..... that's a hard pill to swallow when it's your womb you may be destroying.
Still, there is always hope, I was told today that I may have a slim chance of conceiving after it's all over, so I'll take that like a chancer and hope for the best, I've always been incredibly jammy in life so I don't see why this should be any different........fingers and toes and tubes crossed...
After all my desperate running around trying to find an effective cancer therapy, I must admit it feels good to be in capable hands again, I met with my oncology team last Wednesday for the first time since May and we went over the results of the latest PET/CT and MRI's done, they came back with some growth in the tumour that has attached itself to the pectoral wall and a little spreading into the lymph nodes but overall the rest of my body is cancer free......lucky ladybug.. good news folks.
So the plan is 5 months of chemotherapy, which is 12 weekly Wednesday infusions of Taxol (Paclitaxel ) followed by 8 weeks of AC (Adriamycin and Cytoxan ) to reduce the size of the tumour and then surgery. In addition to this I decided to participate in a clinical trial, the drug I am currently on right now targets angiogenesis, which starves the tumour of blood supply, nutrients and oxygen, preventing further growth and possible size reduction, here's hoping it works it's magic.....I just completed my second week of chemo and am feeling fine with no major side effects to complain of, I'd say all the supplements and the angelic diet I've been on have a lot to do with it, they said my bloods are fantastic so happy days so far.....long may it last.
That's it for now, love and light and all things bright to you all xxxxx
I know you miss her Ais but I'm glad to have her back down here in Shiplake. I can't imagine how difficult that decision was for you to make as I know you wanted to explore alternative methods of treatment. I'm sure that you'll keep it up though to help the process alongside the chemo in order to keep your body in really good health. Keep on keeping on and know that we're sending all our love from the hills... x
ReplyDelete