I get the IV infusion on a Wednesday and feel nauseous and disgusting till Sunday. The only way I can describe it is toxic chemical overload.
The first dose was a little much for my bones and sent me into hospital for a few days, nothing too drastic, just neutropenia with a slight fever and a very strange skin reaction to one of the medications that goes along with the treatment.
Simply put cancer is cells multiplying out of control. Chemotherapy works by chemically killing all multiplying cells in your body, cancerous and healthy cells get nuked in the process, this hammers your immune system and takes your blood counts down to very low levels. Conventional cancer treatment is a balancing act of killing the tumour, watching the bloods very closely and making sure the patient is not in the danger zone bloods-wise of having zero white blood cells left to fight off any infection. Neutropenia is a classic side effect of chemotherapy where the fighter bees of the immune system, the white blood cell count or neutrophils, get down to almost nothing, leaving the body very vulnerable because it no longer has the ability to fight off infection, so a simple cold or flu could turn serious fast. Word to the wise; stay well away from a cancer patient if you're sick, the end.
Oncology treats this with a shot called Neupogen or Neulasta that triggers the bone marrow to make more neutrophils, elevating your white blood cell count out of the danger zone. They suspect that I might have had a reaction to the Neulasta shot and my body couldn't handle it, that or they overdosed me and should have given me a week off between the different chemo regimens but hey ! I'm just the patient, what do I know ?!
I had a bit of a fever and an elevated heart rate that normalised after the fever broke so they sent me home. Honestly it was nice to have a break and be waited on hand and foot for a few days by the fabulous staff at UCSF. So much love and thanks to Emily and Margerat for staying with me that weekend.
Treatment wise, I am 4 months in and have two months or more to go, depending. My little friend the tumour continues to reduce cm by cm, down now to 8cm square ! I have two more fortnightly chemo infusions and then a months break before surgery some time in December, then another break and then possible radiation, we'll see. It's all depending on what is left of the cancer after surgery, in my head and my heart I am visualising having no cancer left to radiate, so pray for that instead of worrying about me.
In other news the hair is gone. So have my eyebrows and eyelashes, I look like a cancer patient now, or a baby gerbil, or Duncan Goodhew without the swimming muscles, take your pick but for a vain woman like me it's quite the thing to adjust to. It's incredible how lack of facial hair changes the face, I look so different without it, it's embarrassing really, making simple things like getting a coffee or going to the store a cringe worthy event. People don't mean to but they stare and it makes you feel like a freak, making this one of the hardest parts of the treatment. This will change as I adjust to it, it's just how I feel right now.
After the second dose of AC, the hair went, poof ! Jesus this is strong stuff, you can feel it in your blood, from your throat down to your bowels, when it's doing it's thing and killing those cells during that 5 day period you are taken down in body and spirit, you've only energy to lie down and moan at how utterly disgusting it is. My eyes look different, they lose their spark and my skin looks yellow, it makes you feel sad and despondent, horrible stuff. Then once it's done it's cycle you start to feel better and like your old self again, you have a week to recover and then they dose you again. Fun times. 2 down 2 to go......
On a lighter note my wonderful friends here in SF have set up a meal train where they bring me delicious meals to get me through those five days when I don't have the energy to cook, it's been an amazing help and I thank you all so much for your time, love and energy, especially to Kishi Fuller, a strong and beautiful woman who organised the whole thing, thanks mama !
Thanks to all of you beautiful souls for your calls, cards, emails and texts, it really really helps.
That's another pulitzer prize worthy post for ye folks ! Sending you all sooo much love !
