.JPG)
As you can see the hair had to go, it started to fall out in the shower a month ago and then it became two disgusting dreads so I gave it a buzz cut, it was shocking at first but I'm used to it now, in fact I am loving the little bit of hair I have because pretty soon I'll be bald as a coot with no eyebrows and sweet baby Jesus that'll be another story.
Treatment is going as well as could be expected, the tumour is continuing to shrink with the latest measurements at a mere 10 x 9, hugely reduced by more than half after 10 weeks. Fantastic.
This week is the first week where I've really felt the effects of chemotherapy with tiredness, sore bones and feeling like my body is letting me down, it must be how ageing is, little things like struggling to open a jar or my hand aching when I try to write, it catches me by surprise and humbles me.... picture me there in the kitchen, jar in hand, spacing out and wondering how could I, superwoman, be affected by chemo.....moi, Kermie ? yes Piggy even you....
I have always believed that attitude is everything, especially in the case of cancer, I am learning to come out of deep space upstairs and reign in my wandering mind by telling my immune system it's healing and getting better and that everything is going to be fine, instead of feeling like a helpless victim to a misunderstood disease out of control, so far I think it's working.
As for how I am feeling, sometimes I feel like I'm on an extreme learning curve and have been for a while, life has really been throwing it at me in many ways and I've been taking the time to try and step back and see a bigger picture than one that could appear very sad and unfair. Why do certain people get sick and others not, why do some make it and others not ? What's underneath it all ? These are the things that I have been looking at long and hard for a few months now, looking at my own reasons and trying to heal every aspect of why I am here going through this. To me, cancer is a big wake up call that you must listen to. You have to learn to forgive whatever you're holding onto and let go. We carry so much stuff around in our hearts and then wonder why we feel less than happy, it's ridiculous isn't it ? Well maybe not, it took cancer for me to see that. It's really challenging at times but I'm working hard because more than anything I want to get better and come out the other side. I want to heal every facet of my body, mind and soul so that I can be of help to others going through this and shine a light onto what can be a very dark time but needn't be, it can be joyful, meaningful and if you try and make it so, illuminating.
The one and only Studdert family organised an amazing tea morning for me recently and reading the lovely card that you sent I am touched that so many of my beloved parents friends came along and gave so generously, it meant so much and I thank you all so much for your love and support.
Because of everyone's help and generosity I have the time and energy to devote to healing and some self- reflection, this would be a very different and difficult experience for me if it wasn't for your help, I am so grateful for your loving and giving hearts, the laughs and the letters and reaching out all push me along and keep me sane so thank you my friends, I am sooo grateful to you all.
Please know that I am getting your emails and messages, this process can be overwhelming and communication can be the hardest part, I have long lists and I am trying to get back to you, be patient with me, I am so happy to hear from you.
Well this update has been plaguing me for weeks so I better hit send and be done with it,
Sending you all so much love and more than looking forward to some big and beautiful hugs when this is all said and done,
Aisling xxxxxx
