Aisling Mulcahy (1974 - 2015)

Fr David, family, friends, I really want to acknowledge all those who supported Aisling in her last few years. She relied on so many for this support which was always given with love and a desire to see her get better.
Her incredible second Family in SF who took her into their hearts and showed her what it means to be loved. Dr Michelle Melisco and the Medical Staff in UCSF who gave her every treatment she needed; her friends Ellen, Margaret, and Emily as well as her housemates Kelsey and Matt who all just rallied around her in ways we can never repay; finally her spiritual groups and in particular Kenny and Dee who were her goto Counsel when she was feeling afraid.
And of course to all of you who did so much for Aisling, your help was both emotional and practical; there were so many fundraisers conducted to help her carry this fight on her terms, the swims, the school reunions, the coffee mornings, and Nic who ran the Dublin Marathon for Aisling this Oct! There were offers of help to Miriam and Lorna to allow them spend time with Aisling and these are all sincerely appreciated. Lastly to the amazing Medical staff in the CUH and especially St Cristopher's Ward staff in Marymount Hospice Cork, they created a space where Aisling felt safe, to make a home away from home and where she really wanted to be on her last days. We can't thank them enough! We must also acknowledge the unfailing support and Love from both Lorna and Ian who have shared the burden of Aisling's illness with us over the past few years.

Aisling was a bright shining star who brought light to everything and everyone she met! She was an irrepressible force who brought a smile to your face and made you laugh no matter how serious the situation. She fought her illness with positivity, uncompromising energy, and very often blind determination. I have found myself asking the Why Us question a lot lately; and then I think of Aisling posing for photos immediately before and after her brain surgery, taking the mickey out of herself with two devil horns and a face so innocent it would melt butter! If she could take that burden on like that then we have no real reason to feel sorry for ourselves. She never complained, the most she said to us was "This Sucks!" There were so many messages of love for her in the last few days, but one summed her up: "She was always looking for the miracle, but she WAS the miracle!"

But Aisling was not defined by her Illness! she was so much more than the Cancer Warrior she became in the last few years. She was unique among the four of us Siblings, many called her the Black Sheep of the herd; and yes she did things her own way, often different, but always well thought out and researched. Her greatest skill was her ability to bring you around to her way of thinking! I think she broke her Dad, Pat at about 14, and immediately went to work on moulding Milly to her way of thinking, but this would take a lot longer! In fact Aisling was often likened to Mam's Sister Kathleen, herself the wild one of the Thunder/Tucker family!

Aisling was also a very spiritual person and devoted a large part of her life developing her practical and spiritual knowledge. While traveling in India some years ago, Aisling studied under an amazing healer,he nurtured and encouraged her to use her light and her healing hands to help others and he was to be one of many teachers who saw Aisling's gifts. She relied on her training and skills to get her through the dark times when she was feeling alone or overwhelmed by it all! She believed that when she died she would go straight into the light, to God and his love. You could see these influences in everything she did, and many of you will have seen it in how she was surrounded by her treasured items last night, and here on her casket. Mostly she was a creative spirit, lately her Blog Aisling's Ark was an insight into her difficult journey, which brought comfort, hope, inspiration to all of you who read and followed her. I think in the coming weeks and months we will dip into it again to provide us with some solace and of course a bellyaching laugh or two.

She developed and nurtured lasting and unbreakable friendships here in Ireland and in the States, and these friends rallied around her when she asked for their help. You gave her such happiness when she was in your company. But she was an immense influence on her four older neices and nephew, and in return they worshipped her. She could make them laugh hysterically, do things they wouldn't dream of doing and made them enjoy themselves as she did, with no inhibitions or regrets, a powerful and positive influencer! She longed for the sea, and had a deep connection with Kerry, she spent some of her happiest and most peaceful times there and it always had a strong draw on her to return. She spent a week there in Dec and had some peaceful walks on Derrynane and Rath beaches, she liked to sleep with the window open to allow the wind to blow in! She made a huge impression on the locals and they took her into their arms as a friend which meant so much to her. The kids will always remember the fun times they spent with her in this magical place!

As a Sister, well Aisling was just a DEVIL! She would take your stuff without asking, she'd give you your opinion regularly, and she always had to have the last word! Centre of attention, a Diva, Life and Soul of the Party! On Christmas Eve Aisling was getting a bit confused and kept asking what the time was and when she was getting out to go to Kerry, then out of the blue she turned to Maeve and said, "I don't mean to be difficult but could I have some Champagne!" (Pure DIVA).

We all know Aisling for her bright big passionate personality, but there was another side to her that was gentle and quiet and pure of heart. Aisling was always ruled by her heart, but sometimes she got hurt and tried to rise above the hurt and turn it into love and forgiveness. Her life's work was that search for peace and serenity within and when she passed, after all the pain and hurt she suffered, she achieved her serenity, HER life's goal, our Aisling gheal xxx!

While Aisling's light may have faded recently her star will forever burn bright in the sky, you just can't shade the bright light in our lives that she was. Miriam and Maeve were with her at the end and just before she slipped away all the candles went out in her room, perhaps this was her saying goodbye to her beloved sisters, and her taking some of the light to guide her on the next leg of her journey. I was just short of getting home to her, she knew I was on the way. But on my last flight into Dublin there was a peaceful calm in the sky, I kept looking out for a letter A shaped cloud for her name but didn't see one. Then just as we came into Dublin the clouds parted and the sea was glistening in the sunshine, I spotted two ferries heading East into the sun the lead one was about twice the size of the second, and it made me think that this was Mam and Dad guiding Aisling off into the light across their beloved sea. That was her message to me!

We love you Aisling and will never let you leave our hearts.


Rossa, Miriam, Maeve & family

When words fail.....

Dearly Beloveds,

I have a confession to make, I've been trying to write this email since I spoke to Nic after her epic marathon run on Monday and I must admit that I've really been struggling with finding the words to accurately express my thanks and hand on my heart gratitude to all of you for this incredible amount raised. It's an overwhelming feeling to receive that much love, money, support and energy, I find that I can only bite off small chunks at a time cos it feels really big..... forgive me for being slow to react....

What my most beloved friends (and new friends) in Ireland, London and San Fran have done with their fundraisers and what my hero marathon runner Nic has done is incredible, she ran 26 miles in my name, she trained and injured herself and rallied all of ye around me with her loving and charming ways and has, with your help, given me the most beautiful gift of help when I needed it most.

This gift comes wrapped in all of your love, it is so moving to be on the receiving end, so from the bottom of my heart I want to say thank you thank you thank you !..... your generosity of spirit, your sweet words of encouragement and just the beauteous humanity of it opens my heart wider, grows my courage and gives me the strength to keep going, to keep trying, but most of all, makes me feel so beautifully loved and held and that my dears is the greatest gift you could ever give me....

This disease is so hard to handle but the humanity and the goodness that it awakens in all of us is nothing short of astonishing and I want to thank you for being a beautiful ally and friend to me on this long road I find myself on, I literally could not do this without you.

I'm working on a blog post where I'll write more on this and catch you up on what's happening but I just had to send out a few words of love and thanks to you, to Nichola and all my London supporters, to Jane and Manners for gathering the loyal and lovely Newbridge College posse together, to Kelsey and Dee and all the SF/Bolinas family here for your kindness and goodness- May you all be showered in blessings, love and magic for your good deeds, I am forever grateful to you,
With all of the love I can muster from the depth of my heart,

Aisling xxxxxxxxx

myyyyyyyyy waaaaaaaaaayyyyyy

Post Surgery Update

Dearly beloved fans of Ais,

Ais has come out of surgery and is recovering now in the ICU.  We got to see her briefly and she is doing well.  Dr. McDermott, her neurosurgeon, was pleased with the surgery.  The tumor was successfully removed.  Either Ais or one of us will update the blog in the next couple days.


On behalf of Ais, thank you for all the loving calls, texts, thoughts and prayers. They helped keep her spirits bright over the past couple days. As they wheeled her away to surgery Ais rewrote the words to Frank Sinatra's "My Way" to more accurately reflect her current situation and serenaded the ward.

Love,
Ais, Ellen, Margaret and Emily

hello my dearest loves ! I'm going in......

My darlings...
I admit it's been a minute since my last update.. and for good reason, last year I wrote when I was open and inspired, sharing when I felt inspired but keeping the really hard times hidden to protect those I loved from the harrowing experience that is living with an on-going, never bloody ending cancer diagnosis.
This year was more of a mixed bag, where I really learned to turn into my feelings and get at the heart of the matter but nothing felt certain so it felt more genuine and real to me to leave it blank... if I've left you hanging forgive me, I just needed to keep my cards a little closer to my chest....

Right now I am having difficulty typing with my left hand so I'll keep this short and sweet for once.....
 I am here to ask you for a favour, suddenly things health-wise have taken a sharp right turn and and I am calling in all the love and light I can muster from you bright souls...... Recently I've been experiencing weakness on my left side, both in the arm and the leg until I could barely walk... then I had a few of what I thought were muscular seizures that I failed to recognise as brain seizures and had one so severe this Saturday, I took myself to the ER where after a cat scan they found a 2.4 cm tumor in the centre of my brain close to the skull, right in the middle of the part that controls the motor function on the left side.
Woof. big news......
Having spent the week leading up to this thinking that my goose was cooked with semi-paralysis, loss of focus, weight loss and headaches that would flatten an elephant, I really thought I was at the end of my days and cried a lot over the weekend, then arrived here after lots of blubbering and got the news about the tumor and felt somehow relieved knowing what was going on and that this tumor was resectable (easily removed through surgery).
This little golf ball beauty has caused considerable oedema on the brain and has caused the brain to shift from the midline over to the left by .08%....Needless to say this has to be fixed asap, so I'm going in today to get removed, they will simultaneously implant tiny Brachy radiation seeds (a technique called Brachy Therapy)  around the wound site to prevent a recurrent tumour from growing there, it's high-tech and minimum dose so hopefully it'll all be ok......

So now you know, they are very cool about it and say it's very standard procedure and easy as far as neurosurgery goes...... I'll ask my lovely surgeon to amend my brain by resecting the indignance and stubborness and maybe add an implant of 50 extra IQ points to make up for past naughtiness........

So beloved friends, family, soul family and bright lights ! Be with me in your hearts today loves, send all that love and light and direct it my way, Imagine the surgery going perfectly with me coming out better than before ! Then send it to the earth with your hands or feet, so she and all can receive the glory of all this love. I reach out to you because I wouldn't want to do this without you, your love, laughs, help and support have carried me along this long and hard road, it's filled me up when times got low and I cannot thank you all enough for EVERYTHING you've all done in big and small ways, I hold you all in a precious place in my heart that is always there, available to you anytime, no matter what.

May today's event be blessed by the sun, moon and stars and may they in turn bask in the light that we create. I love you all to infinity and beyond, looking forward to chatting with you on the other side !!!!! till then xxxxx

SBJ: sweet baby Jesus folks, here we go again....

Beloved friends and family, it is with a heavy heart that I tell you this and take you down this road with me again but god am I glad to have you.
Yes folks, it's back.........bloody hell.
Digest that for a minute if you will and I'll tell you a story.
All was peachy as far as I was concerned, I had the cancer licked, the hair was growing like mad, my energy levels were improving and I felt stronger than I had in months. I went home and saw friends and family and everyone was delighted to see me looking healthy and in good form. During that trip home I had some pain in clavicle area of my chest and shoulder and thought it was a side effect of radiation, but it kept getting worse to the point that the pain of it woke me up every night. I noticed a pea sized node just above the clavicle bone and thought oh Jesus, please don't let that be what I think it is. To my horror the lump tripled in size over the four week period till it was actually noticeable and protruding from my neck. I was really hoping it was lymphodema or radiation fibrosis but deep down I had a sinking feeling and tried to keep it at bay, I contacted my team here in SF and was seen as soon as I got back.

I went in there on Monday morning half terrified, half hopeful. My favourite nurse practitioner took one look at my neck and got out her measuring tape (oh god....) then she called my Oncologist to come up and see it for herself (oh shit...) Then she looks at me and says "honey... I hate to tell you this but I think your cancer is back"..... my heart sank and my head dropped, my oncologist concurred and I just wept, we all cried, they held me in a group hug as the gutting reality sunk in, how the hell could this be happening....

After a very shaky morning where I cried right through my labs and biopsy, I drove out to the beach and yelled and screamed, then went about the horrible task of calling friends and family and dropping a bomb on their world once again. It's been a tough week, I absolutely hate telling people, my heart drops seeing the sadness in their eyes and hearing the devastation and worry in their voice, knowing that we have to go through all the stress and worry again is just, well, there are no words.

From the initial meeting on Monday they felt at least two tumours, above and below the clavicle on my right side where the previous tumour was, the super clavicular node just above was measured at 4cm x 3cm, the one below about the same. They ordered a biopsy and full body PET scan to see how extensive the cancer was. I asked them to give it to me straight, no bullshit, (Oncologists can be like lawyers, never really giving you a straight answer and dancing around tough questions with carefully chosen words). Basically, if the PET showed that it was local, they could probably cure me again, but if it had spread to another part of the body or organs, we were looking at metastatic stage 4 and the prognosis was not good. It took them four long days to get back to me with the results, by Thursday I was going mental waiting and had to distract myself with ridiculous projects like dyeing a duvet cover and whipping coconut oil into a cream to keep my mind and hands occupied....

Finally they called and the results are both good and bad: it is a local recurrence, (the same rare and aggressive triple-negative lobular cancer, recurring in the same area, just a little higher) meaning it's nowhere else in the body, no lungs, liver or bones affected, good news. It is however, extensive in both my chest wall and the nodes in the upper breast area, with two to three tumours around the clavicle, the one you can actually see at the base of my neck is a concern to them because technically that's spreading out of the breast area, that and the fact that it came up so fast, it's size and cellular activity is why they are staging it all at stage 4...... That was hard to hear, as a cancer patient you really dread that number, it's loaded with fear and memories of those we have loved and lost.
With these results, I asked her if she still saw this as curable and she danced around the question. The thing is, is that they just don't know, they are still chasing cancer down the street and haven't fully caught up to it, there are many aspects of the disease that elude even the most prominent oncologists, it really can be a bit of a guessing game as to how a patient will respond and why. Mine remains hopeful that I will respond positively to chemo like last time and that the tumour will shrink into something they can easily remove with surgery, I'll take that optimism and run with it.
Treatment wise it looks much the same as last year, without the planned and structured time frames. This time it's more of an aggressive attack plan, then wait and see. I begin weekly chemo this Wednesday and I'm probably looking at another 5 months of that and maybe more if I don't respond, then surgery, then possibly more radiation.....good times. I am to do another double-whammy of delicious 1970's chemotherapy drugs, the stars this time being Abraxine and my old friend Carboplatin, lovely vintage, great nose with a long smooth finish....hmmm can't wait. Carbo worked a charm last time so let's hope for a repeat performance.

As for me and my heart and mind, I'm doing ok, well better than ok considering, a weird calm has come over me that I can't explain. This week has been exhausting, heartbreaking and stressful and I'm glad it's over, now I'm just accepting and getting on with it as best I can. Friday was the 4th of July here and I decided to spend it with good friends and have a laugh instead of wallowing at home. The picture above is of me and my dear friend Phil in a three-legged race crossing the finish line (it was a rematch but technically we won the first time too ;)) ....so you see, I'm my usual self, I have energy, I look healthy and I've got plenty of fight in me .......
I've decided that I'm not accepting this stage 4 shaky diagnosis, not in a denial sense, more like defiant. I do not agree with my team when they say they may be chasing this one for some time. I believe that my attitude and spirit had as much to do with my remission last time as the treatment they gave me. I have been blessed with a strong heart and a deep knowing that what you decide will be, will be. Well I'm not going anywhere and don't you believe otherwise, if we learned anything from last time it's that I'm a stubborn, determined lunatic who will not lie down..... (but I will lie down and rest when I need to, promise ;)) Whilst the thought of the next few months is daunting, I have the experience of last year under my belt now, I know what's ahead of me and I know I can do it again, maybe even better this time. I have an extraordinary team of doctors, nurses, acupuncturists, TCM practitioners, sound healers and Reiki masters who care about me and want more than anything to see me well, they got me through it with flying colours last time and they are by my side once again. My dear friends here and family at home have swooped in around me, pledging once again their undying love, support and help and I am beyond grateful to you all for making me feel loved and supported, with your help I can do anything. You blow me away with your patience, tenacity and huge hearts, what would I do without you ?? Be screwed that's what.

Well loves I think that about covers the story so far, I know you're worried and it's perfectly natural to be, but instead of worrying, I would rather you sent me love and healing wishes instead, it reaches much farther and does a much better job. So imagine me better, annoying you, laughing with you and thriving, full of the joys with all of this behind me, see that in your minds eye and heart and we'll be there before you know it.
I am blessed to have you in my life and by my side in this and in all things,
All my love to each and every one of you and thanks for listening xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Long road, my legs are knackered...

Dearest loves, forgive my absence these past two months, I've been very busy learning how to really relax and fobbing off all obligations, something I needed to learn how to do. 
So what's been happening ? 
Well, I decided to take an extra month off to recover after surgery, going straight from chop to burn just seemed bonkers to me, so I politely disagreed with my radiation oncologist and took two instead of one month off to recover, I knew it was what my body and mind needed. I was after all, doing everything I once swore I would never do and I had to take my sweet time to come to terms with it. 
I was pretty set against doing the recommended radiation after surgery,  as far as I was concerned I'd been given the all clear, I felt better than I had in years and all was well, why would I burn the bejesus out of myself just as a precaution ? Pre-surgery, my radiation oncologist said I had a 20-25% chance of recurrence, I saw that as a 75% chance of being healthy for the rest of my life and yes'd her to death when she strongly recommended treatment. I told them I needed more time to make my decision and got very busy being completely confused. 
On one hand I was cancer free and didn't want to be bullied into doing a harmful treatment because of fear based statistics, on the other hand I knew that my triple-negative lobular is a nasty aggressive breast cancer that tends to recur in the chest wall....hmmmm ....Totally head-wrecked I consulted with my sage acupuncturist at Pine street clinic, he wisely had me gather all the facts of my case and knowing that I record every single meeting, asked me to summarize the last two meetings with my radiation oncologist. This forced me to listen to those meetings with objective ears and to my surprise I heard something I didn't want to hear the first time. She told me that based on my age, cancer type and the fact that chemo didn't nuke my cancer entirely, that each of those individual factors puts me into the 25-35% rate of recurrence bracket, however and this was the thing, there is no data on hand to guesstimate what happens when a patient has all three factors, she intuits that with these factors combined I was in the high 45-50% rate of recurrence in the chest wall and that doing radiation treatment would bring this down to 10%. Well.....those are some numbers...
That was my 90% of my decision right there.
Then I played the game of regret reduction, could I live with those numbers, even if it was a scare tactic ? Could I move past this and get on with the rest of my life and not have those numbers niggle away at me till I was driven demented ? The answer was NO and besides, everyone I spoke to had stories to tell of women who had refused radiation for the same reasons, were back in cancer land once again, this time with a messy, nasty, stage 4 nightmare... I wanted to be able to walk away from this knowing I did absolutely everything, leaving no stone unturned and with no regrets, so bizarrely, even to myself that meant I had to do it. 
A wise person once told me that all healing is self healing, you have to decide that this therapy, no matter what it is, is going to make you better. If you can get your whole being into that state of mind then you get healed, well it took me a minute to get to that place.

What you see in the picture above is what I have been looking at in treatment for the last 5 weeks, silly childish stickers that some wonderful warrior put there to brighten the day of a fellow cancer patient. Being a big kid at heart I beamed at seeing these on my first nervous day, what a lovely thing to see rainbows and stars stuck onto a three million dollar machine, the message of hope it imparted was a saviour to me on dark days, smile kid, wish yourself well, don't let it get you down... it worked a charm and there are loads of little things like this covertly planted all over the radiation department, in lockers and on walls in the changing rooms, egging us on in this, the last leg of a long series of treatments....It's the little things in life that make the hard things bearable.

I added my own stickers to the machine the other day, can you guess which ?? Tell me your answers, the winner will receive a lifetime's supply of big beautiful hugs !!!

Treatment wasn't nearly as bad as I expected, granted I am quite burnt and a little sore but thanks to my acupuncture team's protocol of supplements, Chinese herbs and a diet rich in seaweed and miso I have emerged once again virtually unscathed. They encouraged me to really up my exercise regime, promising me it would stave off radiation fatigue, so just for shits and giggles I took up jogging, stop laughing. Not only did it work, it was surprisingly empowering, giving me tears of joy runner's highs and a new found faith in my body's strength and resolve.

So today my dears was my last session. No more cancer treatment, I'm done, it's over.............
em what ? 
I'm floored, overjoyed, relieved and somewhat discombobulated, it's a weird and wonderful thing to come to the end of this and then to be done, I feel like a baby that's been birthed from the womb who's not quite sure what to do with all this light and space... it's all a bit blinding and confusing....

I do know one thing though, I am very lucky to be alive, I did my work and earned myself the gold star of a healthy body and spirit, who now loves this life more than she ever did and most importantly loves herself now, body mind and soul. 

I have more to say and many to thank but that's for another post, so if you'll excuse me, I have some celebrating to do.......
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx !!!!!!!!

Tumour v tumor... colour v color......All is good, all is right, no need to fight, love and light ;)

Yes, that is the title of this post and you know what, I like it.
Hello my beauties, Happy New Year ! Well here we are in the middle of January and a lot has happened since my last post.
Let's see, my sister Maeve graced me once again with her glorious presence to get me through the ordeal of pre and post surgery. What a joy to have a family member here to get me through it, there is nothing like family in tough times.
Surgery is an incredibly invasive process on an energetic level, it can take a huge toll on the body, so I decided to do it from an empowered standpoint. The day before, Maeve and I travelled up to the top of Mount Tamalpais, a very beautiful and sacred place just north of San Francisco. Up there above the cloud line I prayed to the spirits of Mum and Dad, to all my ancestors, to my guides and to Great Spirit herself to be with me during surgery, to heal and remove the cancer completely and utterly, on every level. I talked to my body and told it that the surgery was for my highest good and allowed the surgeons in.  I opened myself up energetically to all of you who were praying for me too and invited you into the healing process.
Some of may know that I have been working with a group of women studying Reiki and Shamanism for the past few years, an experience that has changed me profoundly and opened me up in ways I could have never imagined. Well I was utterly blessed to have these amazing women doing distance Reiki on me during my surgery. That, coupled with all of your loving intentions, thoughts and prayers directed my way that day, created a web of love and healing around me that I know protected me from what was a very serious, invasive surgery.
The results were nothing short of amazing.  Something magical happened when I went under the knife, I was completely surrounded in love and support, so much so that when I awoke something was different, I didn't feel sick anymore. It was like I just knew that they got everything out and for the first time in a year I felt healed, body, mind and soul.
When I woke up from the anesthetic I felt surprisingly fine and full of the joys, barely needing painkillers, seriously. I felt so full of life and energy it blew my mind. I was expecting to spend Christmas laid up in bed with poor Maeve feeding me with a spoon and yet there I was running around like a loon, almost normal. She said that caring for me was like trying to take care of a racehorse....
It was amazing and empowering and you know what ?.....
We did that.
The love in your hearts and your well wishes and prayers made a huge difference to my healing process. To me, that's the healing power of love and intention in a nutshell. It proves to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that we all have sovereign abilities to heal ourselves and others with true heart intention.
Ten days after surgery we saw the nurse and were amazed at how good everything looked, I thought my chest would be covered in blood and bruises and all things horror, (and I guess I have to admit here that I have quite the imagination), but all I saw was clean skin and a small 2 inch scar. No bruises, none, unbelievable. A testament to the skill of the surgeons here at UCSF, no pain and tiny scars after a double mastectomy, they really are amazing at what they do. Lucky, lucky me.

And now for the goodies, I had a meeting with my team a few days ago and they gave me my pathology after surgery.......
Clear margins around the tumour, meaning they were able to cut around the tumour safely, leaving nothing behind.
All lymph nodes biopsied during surgery came back negative for cancer, even the sentinal lymph node they removed..
Skeletal ribs and pectoral wall both tested negative...
Breast skin tested negative too !  Oh and of the tumour removed that measured 6.8mm, only I.8mm of that necrotic mass was actual cancer. So ! Essentially as far as they are concerned, I am actually, currently, cancer FREE...

I'm sorry what ??

Yes folks, that's right, cancer feckin' free !!!!!!
...............
WWWWHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do a little dance if you so desire...
I accepted this news with a weird calm, hardly digesting it at all. She went on to tell me that  my pathology is about as good a result as you can get from the chemo/surgery combo. In fact they were certain there would be some residual  breast skin cancer and that I would have to do more chemo, (nightmare) but no !  They cannot believe my reaction to chemo and think it's miraculous. Quite frankly so do I.
Of course my team of doctors chalk this down solely to chemotherapy but I think that's a very narrow view to take. Yes chemo works, I am living proof of that fact and very happy for it, but this is not just chemo. This is the result of digging deep into my heart and soul and letting go of old ways that weren't working, countless Reiki sessions, Shamanic journeying, Acupuncture, Traditional Chinese herbs and supplements, diet, counselling, meditation, whatever made sense to me, I did it.
It all came together to give this one beautiful outcome. That's the beauty and power of healing with integrative medicine, it encompasses all and excludes none.
I'm telling you this, not to toot my own horn so you can all think I'm marvellous, rather I think it's really important to know that as individuals, we always have choices in how we go about things, that you can empower yourself, even as a cancer patient, to find the right kind of healing for your own soul.  We are all beautiful, unique spirits trying to learn how to be human's on this glorious planet, maybe what I say here will help someone make a more empowered choice when it comes to their own or a loved one's healing process.
What was deemed to be a curse has turned into a bright and shining gift that has changed me forever for the better and for that I am truly and deeply grateful.
What's next ? Well they are recommending radiation treatment and I'm taking my time to arrive at the right decision, rest assured it'll be the one that'll have me living to a ripe old age, beard and all.
That's all for now my beauties, I am blessed and grateful to have each and every one of you in my life, it just wouldn't be the same without you xxxx